9 to 5er

Some things that I have observed in my day to day activities have been festering on the inside and I need to let them out:

To all the people who work in an office-ish environment...

1. Strippers don't work in an office, if you don't want to be mistaken for one please take precautions with your attire. Also,in a related item, don't wear tons of stripper perfume because it makes the pregnant lady down the hall want to barf into her wastebasket every time you walk by

2. Clothes should be from this decade. Unless they're cute and vintage and then you must follow this rule: if you were old enough to wear it the first time you're too old to wear it the second time (this also goes for hot trends, like acid wash, and shoulder pads)

3. If you're not a carpenter you shouldn't be wearing carpenter jeans. It's not 1996 so if you don't actually carry a hammer for your job a hammer loop is unnecessary and makes you look a bit stupid and outdated (please see number 2)

4. If you're a woman, it is wise to pay good money for a haircut. Those places that offer super cheap haircuts and color are not doing you a favor by giving you a deal, they're cheap for a reason. Fork out the big bucks for a haircut that looks good on you.

5. Never wear capri pants if you are also wearing hiking boots and black socks. This is especially true if you are under 5'3".

6. Use polyester sparingly. A heavy diet of polyester will make you look way older than you are and also probably chubbier. Just say no.

7. You can't build an outfit without a foundation. Bras are essential. They're best if they fit properly and worst if they're not there. If you don't want to wear one just think of the future, a good bra could help you avoid the embarrassing problem of accidentally buttoning your mammaries in your pants when you're relaxing in the old folks home.

8. Variety is the spice of life. If it's cold in your office and you keep an office sweater consider changing it every now and then or, taking it home for a quick wash or better yet get a bunch of sweaters to wear with your outfit and then you won't be cold outside or in.

9.Dress for your position. If you are making fifty thousand dollars a year or more, you should dress like it. You don't have to sacrifice personality or style to look good, but it's inappropriate for you look like a slob.