9 to 5er

Some things that I have observed in my day to day activities have been festering on the inside and I need to let them out:

To all the people who work in an office-ish environment...

1. Strippers don't work in an office, if you don't want to be mistaken for one please take precautions with your attire. Also,in a related item, don't wear tons of stripper perfume because it makes the pregnant lady down the hall want to barf into her wastebasket every time you walk by

2. Clothes should be from this decade. Unless they're cute and vintage and then you must follow this rule: if you were old enough to wear it the first time you're too old to wear it the second time (this also goes for hot trends, like acid wash, and shoulder pads)

3. If you're not a carpenter you shouldn't be wearing carpenter jeans. It's not 1996 so if you don't actually carry a hammer for your job a hammer loop is unnecessary and makes you look a bit stupid and outdated (please see number 2)

4. If you're a woman, it is wise to pay good money for a haircut. Those places that offer super cheap haircuts and color are not doing you a favor by giving you a deal, they're cheap for a reason. Fork out the big bucks for a haircut that looks good on you.

5. Never wear capri pants if you are also wearing hiking boots and black socks. This is especially true if you are under 5'3".

6. Use polyester sparingly. A heavy diet of polyester will make you look way older than you are and also probably chubbier. Just say no.

7. You can't build an outfit without a foundation. Bras are essential. They're best if they fit properly and worst if they're not there. If you don't want to wear one just think of the future, a good bra could help you avoid the embarrassing problem of accidentally buttoning your mammaries in your pants when you're relaxing in the old folks home.

8. Variety is the spice of life. If it's cold in your office and you keep an office sweater consider changing it every now and then or, taking it home for a quick wash or better yet get a bunch of sweaters to wear with your outfit and then you won't be cold outside or in.

9.Dress for your position. If you are making fifty thousand dollars a year or more, you should dress like it. You don't have to sacrifice personality or style to look good, but it's inappropriate for you look like a slob.

Pattern

Here is the pattern for the above baby hat:

Yarn: Lambs Pride Worsted
Needles: #8 (5.00mm) 16 inch circular and double points
Gauge: ~4 stitches/inch

Cast on 56 stitches (st). Join, being careful not to twist.
Knit(K)4 Purl(P)4 for 4 Rows

*Cable row: slip 1st 2 st to cable needle (cn) and hold in front K2, K2 from cn P4. Repeat around

Next row: K4 P4. Repeat this row 5 more times*

Repeat the 7 rows between the *. Work until the hat measures 3 1/2 inches and begin decreases. Switch to Double points when needed.

NOTE: Independently of decreases work cable pattern until there are no purl stitches between the cables.

Decrease (Dec) row 1: K4 P2 Purl 2 together (P2tog)
Next row: Work even
Dec row 2: K4 P1 P2tog
Next row: Work even
Dec row 3: K4 P2tog
Next row: Work even
Dec row 4: K3 Knit 2 together (K2tog)
Next row: Work even
Dec row 5: K2 K2tog
Dec row 6: K1 K2tog
Dec row 7: K2tog around
7 stitches left.
Break yarn and pull through remaining stitches on needles.

Only 2 strings to sew in!!

Losing Patience

Sometimes you encounter a pattern that is more trouble to make than it is worth. Usually for me these patterns look super easy and result in a really cute piece of clothing but they have all sorts of funny demands and lots of finishing work.

First, let me just say that I hate finishing work. It is the worst. If I wanted to sew I would get a lot more use out of my sewing machine and wouldn't spend hours building fabric stitch by stitch, but I knit because I like knitting and it seems efficient, if done right. I often see patterns for adorable little stuffed animals that I would love to make but I know that all of the tiny tube knitting and sewing and stuffing would kill me so I avoid them like the plague. My favorite knitted items are ones where you make a complete garment or thing and have only two strings to sew in. What a sense of glorious victory!

For a while I have had this pattern for booties that is ADORABLE. I have attempted several times to make these booties (one attempt is chronicled here)but the actual finished booties have never materialized (I have a pair laying around somewhere unfinished). After carefully attempting to finish this one completely I figured out why.



There is like, 10 strings hanging off and a bunch of seams that need to be sewed! Yuck! These things are tiny, 2 1/2 inches long maybe, and there is a ton of finishing work. Ugh! I gave up. I decided that they are more trouble than they're worth and made this instead:



This looks like more work but it's actually less. It's a baby hat, and the best part about it is when you are done there is only two strings to sew in. VICTORY!!

Advice to New Knitters

I was talking with a friend last night who is just starting out knitting; she has made several scarves and likes good materials, which is critical to making your projects look good, and it also sounds like she has good knitting buddies to guide her through the trials of dropped stitches, miscounted rows and decrease disasters. But even with all of these things in her favor she is a little nervous to try something even slightly more complicated, like a hat.

It seems that this nervousness is pretty common. I have met many a person who mastered the knit and the purl only to make use of those skills on flat long scarves. While I like a good scarf, in general, I think they are ridiculously boring to make. Plus a person only needs so many scarves and your friends and family only need so many scarves. You don't want to be the crazy scarf lady now do you?

What's the solution? Be adventurous!! Give those circular needles a try!Keep in mind that it looks way more difficult than it actually is. And if you know good knitters who can teach you how to fix mistakes you're three steps ahead.

My favorite thing about knitting is its pliable elastic nature. It's not like ceramics where if you fire something and it blows up in the kiln, you're done and it's gone. If you make a sweater and don't like it, you can rip it out and make it exactly what you want, you can even wait 7 years to rip it out and it will still look good in the end. If a pattern is funny and you don't like it, you can change it. Knitting is simple and easy to figure out, deceptively so because sometimes the easiest things will bite even the most practiced knitters but that shouldn't be a deterrent. The most fun in knitting is when you try something and it turns out more beautiful than you ever thought it would, what a sense of accomplishment! But you can't get that feeling (or that gorgeous sweater) unless you try something new. So go ahead, step outside the boundaries, jump into something and know that you are going to mess it up somewhere at some time but that it will be o.k. and you'll either fix it or no one will ever notice.